It takes a special person to marry a hunter. When you say “I do” to a hunter, you’re committing not just to a person, but to a lifestyle.
While it in no way reflects how much your spouse loves you, when it comes to hunting season you often take a backseat. You often find yourself making a whole host of unique concessions on behalf of your spouse’s favorite hobby.
Here are 10 surefire signs you’re married to a hunter.
1. Hunting season never ends.
Between big game, small game, waterfowl and nuisance species like hogs and coyotes, chances are something is always in season. Even if your spouse only hunts deer, you can bet the rest of the year is considered “scouting season.”
If you’re married to a hunter, hunting season never ends.
2. You will become a hunting season widow(er).
Unless of course you’re a hunter too, you can count on managing your household solo until the end of closing day. You’ll be left home alone with the kids, the dogs, the yard work, the house cleaning and well, you get the idea.
When you find yourself feeling like a widow(er), just open your freezer door and count your blessings you didn’t have to buy all that meat at the grocery store.
3. You’ll become an expert on hunting season dates.
Your life will revolve around them, so the sooner you learn them the better. Family vacations, social gatherings and even the birth of your kids will have to be carefully planned so they don’t interfere with hunting season.
If you’re married to a hunter, you should have learned this early on the minute your fiancé told you a fall wedding was out of the question.
4. A catalog from (fill in the name of any sporting goods supply business here) has a permanent place on the back of your toilet.
Your spouse isn’t in the bathroom for 30 minutes actually making use of the facilities. He/she is actually making a shopping list for the latest gadgets they “need” to have for the upcoming season.
Yes, they’ve said countless times that they have everything they could possible need, but if you’re married to a hunter you know to never believe it.
5. Need to do laundry? Forget it.
Your regular laundry will get backlogged because every piece of scent-locking camouflage must be washed in a separate load using its own special detergent and dryer sheets.
The same person who hasn’t folded so much as a single t-shirt will all of sudden operate your washer and dryer like a professional dry cleaner.
6. Where to hang mounts will become a common argument in your house.
Don’t count on your house ever gracing an episode of HGTV’s “Devine Design.” When your spouse bags a trophy, they’ll want it displayed prominently in your house.
My husband’s last trophy is mounted above the buffet table in our dining room, where he has a perfect view of his tenderloins on our plates.
7. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, your house can double as a small armory.
The floor joists in my house could not support the weight of the size gun safe we would need to accommodate all of the firearms, ammo and accessories in my house.
Instead, I’ve graciously given up one of the two closets in my master bedroom. Complete with custom shelving and cedar planks walls, I feel confident that in the event of a zombie apocalypse my family would survive.
8. Subscribing to DVR service is critical.
You’ve been waiting months for the return of ABC’s fall primetime line up, but don’t expect to watch your favorite shows live.
Your TV will never leave the Outdoor Channel or Sportsman Channel. So, cue up your DVR and stay away from social media spoilers until your spouse leaves for the woods and you can binge-watch in peace.
9. Shopping for special occasions is easy.
Being married to a hunter takes all the guesswork out of shopping for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas.
If it’s camouflage, shoots a projectile or attracts an edible, four-legged species, you can count on your spouse being elated to unwrap it.
10. You could never imagine being married to a non-hunter.
Hunting is a way of life for the entire family. When you marry a hunter, you know your spouse possesses the exact qualities you would want passed onto your kids.
You’ll never find anyone more determined, patient, hardworking or dependable. Your children will be raised with a love and respect for nature and you can be confident they’ll have a greater appreciation for where food comes from.
Being married to a hunter isn’t for everyone.
If you’re fortunate enough to find someone who supports your unwavering devotion to the sport or, better yet, shares your enthusiasm for the outdoors, count your blessings.